Ghetto Monky – An Idiots Tale

Jan 25, 2019

What does it mean to be a bad neighbor? Well have I got a tale for you! This week has been interesting, and Ghetto Monky was born from a neighbors hate. Positivity will always rule the day. Kick back, relax, and enjoy another tale of the stupid around us.

Transcription of ‘Ghetto Monky – An Idiots Tale’ by Otter.ai

0:00
Hey everybody and welcome to unhinge with me Steve Lichtman today’s episode man. Oh man, for anybody that knows me, you’re gonna be laughing your ass over the time. This one’s done this one we’re going to call quite simply ghetto monkey in idiots towel. Why? Why get a monkey? What is ghetto monkey? Well, I’m going to post it on the website and on hinge pod calm, you’ll be able to see the image of exactly what inspired or transpired in this insane situation that I’m currently having with my next door neighbors. Now, to make a long story short, which we will and will not do. This will probably end up in more than one part by the time we’re done, but that’s all right. But to make a long story, short neighbor, battle,

0:52
trespassing, asking people to get the fuck out of my backyard and the responses Why are you calling me a question?

1:00
at all, well, trespassing is a crime. So if the shoe fits, I guess you’re gonna have to wear it. It’s just kind of the way things are. That’s how our laws were created. If you trespass, you, in fact, are a criminal, especially when I had to put a sign up on my gate. So let’s go back a little bit, but we’ll get to this. All right, this is it’s going to get good. So let’s, uh, man

1:28
I it’s one of those things where you, you want to record it. But you know that your mind is still in a million places. And no matter how many notes you have, you are never going to be focused. So you may as well just hit that spacebar and let the machine record your voice and let it go where it goes. So so let’s go all the way back to the beginning. My neighbors for the past three and a half years are

1:52
they’re nice to me. Listen, that in the beginning, they were nice. They weren’t they weren’t bad people. I mean, I should have known the first day that was something kind of a little bit wrong when I actually

2:00
shook the dads hand and he goes, Oh, don’t shake my hand too hard, I guess got into a fight with my neighbor, which turned out to not necessarily be as true as he made it sound.

2:11
But at the end of the day, that was the first experience while moving in his Oh, don’t shake my hand like a man because I’ve heard my hand fighting children should have known and to move the fuck out right? I mean, I should have been a warning sign crystal clear as day just go. Don’t sign the contract go but it was too late. We already didn’t. We were moving it.

2:34
So we have a whole list of incidents. That was just the first day that was literally day one.

2:41
Fast forward three and a half years you’ve got a lot of isolated incidents of absolute on neighborliness in human stupidity. Things like bolting things to your roof and rent rivets falling all over your neighbors. We could be our property and driveway which we could have been drove over and never cleaning up. I mean guy never cleans up

3:00
himself total fucking slob. I mean, you know, every project he does, he leaves, like some kind of trail behind. Always. cigarette butts. that’s a that’s a standard. This guy leaves more cigarette butts in your property, then it’s humanly possible. I didn’t realize people still smoke this much. I know a couple of my friends that are listening do and you should all quit. You dirty little bastards. Quit today. Do what I did. I threw my pack into a garbage can. And I said to myself, if it lands, I quit right now. And I never smoked another cigarette after that day. And that was in Gosh, 2005, 2004,

3:34
something like that. Maybe 2006. I don’t know what it was. Whatever it was, it was 1015 years ago. And and I never looked back so quit quit, man. That’s my PSA that they quit smoking mother fuckers. If you’re smoking today, and it’s 2019 and you actually are holding a cigarette up to your face and you got a wife and you got kids the fuck is wrong with you? Right? Just quit Ready go. Go suck a dick if you want to do that that bad. I mean it get popcorn lung or whatever that’s going to give you or even something.

4:00
Better going to fucking apple? Yeah have a carrot. I don’t know do something else because that ain’t gonna keep you around longer if you want to be on this rock forever if you want to pull off your skin and be a reptilian overlords at some point you got to treat that body right man and I’m not saying I’m Mr. Health not I’m certainly not I got far healthier friends they may you know that are you know Spartan warrior types of maniacs that are you know peak physical condition and and while I’m a serviceable grown man I’m certainly not that and I just don’t have the focus or motivation for that maybe one day I will maybe it’s coming I don’t know we’ll see anyways cigarette butts all over the driveway one time even I was privileged enough to have a cigarette butt thrown into our garbage can and it was smoldering smoldering guys like you looked in the garbage can. And a fire was about to happen against my garage. This is the kind of neighborliness that we’ve experienced over the years is also trespassed in our backyard.

5:00
Many many, many, many times as well as into my garage borrowing tools without asking. And when confronted, said when you were at home. Well, yeah, fuck face. That doesn’t mean go in my garage. So we’ve clearly had to put locks on everything because we have somebody that feels entitled to waltz into your world at their free will. That’s not acceptable. We don’t need people randomly jumping fences and walking into our backyard jumping fences. You asked. Hey, our fences cat. What do we 12 we skipping through yards and ringing and running and Dashing through people’s backyards, like in the 70s and 80s. Nope, we’re talking about a family that already lost the cat

5:46
because it got out the door and it sucks man Listen, me and my daughter we we spend more time and they did probably looking for that pat and I felt truly horrible for them. And they’ve since accused me of not being an animal lover because I made fun of it well, because

6:00
Quite honestly, they then adopted two more cats from a rescue agency which they leave out in their backyard to run around. Now we do live where both of our backyards are against a man made water kind of overrun spillway. I don’t know what you call it. It’s a it’s like a concrete Creek and it fills up when it rains and the water goes away so it doesn’t flood our properties. So I don’t know the technical term for it. But what it does do is it means that this foliage back there are lots of it lots of trees, Bush’s grass leaves whatever and a lot of animals a lot of animals that could potentially your cats could eat the poop they could get sick they could die I mean we there was a dog up the block that passed away from from just whatever it ate like the grass in the neighborhood because it must have been a sick raccoon or something that peed and then the neighbor’s dog died a couple houses away and it’s super super sad. They were such nice people you know, and they still are and you know that they lost their their dog that they truly loved. I mean, and we felt horrible. So either way

7:00
I’m apparently a really horrible animal person now. And I hate animals because that’s what I was told through Facebook Messenger before I was blocked their cats have been getting into our backyard. We have a chain link fence separating the two homes and my dogs have never been in their backyard. In three and a half years. My cats have never been in their backyard. In three and a half years their husband has been in my backyard going on every week leading up to this seemingly for the past month. And many, many times before. Never ringing a bell. Never asking never knocking on a door. Never texting numbers, calling nothing just entitlement. Oh, my pets in your backyard. I’m now going to trespass and go into your property. Now keep in mind this isn’t cold. I have asked multiple times. And so as my wife and we were met with silence, or what would you want us to do? Or even better. The wife had said to me and Facebook, she replied well

8:00
I would let you in my backyard. That’s not the point. Sweet Art. I don’t want to be in your backyard. Ever, ever, ever. So why the fuck do you think you could jump the fence and between the houses and coming to mind? So I said, There I go, you know, jumping over the fence. What the hell? You’re jumping over the fence of middle the night. That’s ridiculous. So she writes back to me and says, I wouldn’t have had to jump over the fence. If you didn’t lock your gate.

8:30
If I didn’t lock my gate. Can you guys imagine? Imagine if somebody told you they’re entitled to trespassing on your property by jumping the fence because you actually lock your gate as a sign of saying, Don’t fucking come back here. I mean, we do let our dogs out in the backyard. You know, I mean, they, you know, they could bite them. I wouldn’t want that to happen. I don’t want my dogs to be in that situation where they feel where they feel threatened and uncomfortable because I’m weirdos in the backyard with a flashlight in middle

9:00
Tonight you know if they’re outside to pee or something you know it will run around a they just did it they don’t need to be freaked out like that I’m more concerned about my dogs in the neighbors to be honest because I don’t want them involved with those people so as we keep going down this magical journey you’ve got neighbors that are trespassing and and that’s the type of thing where we wrote to them and my wife sent her letter the wives send letters back and forth to each other saying the end of the day we know we’re putting a no trespassing sign up and is the final warning we’ve asked you to stop coming in our backyard to which they replied Why don’t you go have these on a fence with us to keep our cats in our backyard so we can be responsible pet owners now they didn’t say it like that of course i mean you know they said that their story you know what they were trying to get our messaging wise of you know your fences so dilapidated and it’s an old listen my fence is an old chain link fence in ain’t the prettiest Scott vines going through it it’s perfectly legal my dog never been in their backyard grandpa’s dogs never been in their backyard.

10:00
You know, the running trend to things you know we keep our shit in our own private area and we don’t we don’t infringe upon other people’s property or yards because we’re respectful grown adults as we should be in our Yeah, well for me I’m in my 40s. Yeah, so they’re in their 50s or or more, I don’t really know they’ve got to be older just looking at them. But that’s neither here nor there. And it’s not about that. So whatever. don’t really care not here to bury people. I’m just here to tell a story. The burial happens on its own, ironically enough, because of human stupidity. So there we have it. So step one,

10:36
no trespassing. Yeah, we got that firmly established. I put a sign up I went and got a Master Lock. I was using some armor wire actually keep it close, but I thought maybe they try to push it open. So I put a Master Lock on it. Put a no trespassing sign up. I had to redo the garage door locks to make sure these assholes don’t come on my property again, or go into my garage since it can’t be trusted and you know, figured out

11:00
Right. Good enough. We told them no to the fence. He said, Listen, I paying half of your fence that doesn’t make any sense. The fence works, call it dilapidated. You can say how much it sucks to look at. I don’t care. It still works. Our animals aren’t in your backyard. And it’s on our retaining wall. So technically not my problem. The retaining walls is on our property line. So yeah, kick rocks, man. I guess they you know that the husband we could go to a whole nother story about him. Long story short, he’s the guy that at 10am at his own daughters. backyard barbecue birthday party was drinking at 10 in the morning on a Saturday and he looked pretty half in the bag by the time we got there, like a 10 after 10 last year. So yeah, that’s a historical thing is constantly seemingly with a glass of wine in his hand and listen, we could all kick back and have a drink. You just don’t have to be walking out your front door with it. Like a fucking loser. He is a hothead and he doesn’t think first clearly that was identified this week so we get to couple days of

12:00
him burning his chimney he drags his Germany from across his yard to put it on our fence line, which, by the way is illegal. I call code enforcement. You have to be 15 feet from a fencer structure for the safety of you know us as people regardless hate my guts all you want call me a fucking to my face. I could care less. But you’re not going to put my myself or my family at risk unless you think you’re fucking crazy. So he’s burning wood. He had a knockdown a shed, I guess for his he had some fence quotes come I saw the guys measuring the end of the day burns his would for a couple days. I asked nicely. I wrote to the wife one last time. I said, Hey, can you please stop you being passive aggressive, your husband’s been decades. She’s been like a fucking petulant child. You know, is this really the direction you want to go? We tried to be nice to be amicable about about this, you know, but not coming on to a property. But like your answer is to burn wood by our property line into our windows. It’s like what’s fucking wrong with you? Super. Not neighborly. After saying how neighborly you were. That’s for sure. She blocked me on Facebook.

13:00
Book not like I care. So I and I made sure that not only was I blocked for messenger, but then I went ahead and made sure her and her family can’t, you know, I block them back just for the sake of make them go away. Like you don’t want to play online, you don’t have a conversation, you certainly don’t need to see my photographs. So off the list. Fuck you. That’s my good friend Charlie says. And if you’re hearing this, that’s a shout out to you, brother. You know, you’re off the list. You got that circle, you open a circle of very rarely. I had my circle open wide last year because we were new to the school. And we needed to make friends because we needed our daughter to be around good people. And luckily, people like my buddy Charlie and a lot of other ones to I could go down the list and name them all. But he specifically was funny enough, the hardest human being I’ve ever had a friends with. And I just love each other. So it had to happen. He had no choice in this matter. He fought valiantly. He did, but my persistence is is unmatched by anyone. I’m relentless. And eventually we became friends. And I do he’s an awesome dude. Or anybody who’s

14:00
And knows him knows that already so we don’t need to have a love fest for you Charlie because you’re probably hearing this right now going oh god the fuck you doing man? Why are you talking about me but you have nothing to do with the story other than the fact that the circle must close so the neighbors you’re out you’re out of the circle or it’s Chris Jericho says on pro wrestling telecast across the world you just made the last so the list of shit now fuck them right we’re done burning shit make my house smell fucking scumbags really total lowlifes it started to show to me how petty and really just have dick ish and not neighborly these people truly where now the wise to work all day ironically and he’s home on employed at the time. So he’s sitting around with his thumb up his ass waiting to get another job waiting to get the next job I guess because he’s a union guy. So this times of unemployment that’s part of the part of the gig I’ve never seen somebody this unemployed over the over the years but hey, that’s that’s not my problem. That’s his wife’s problem. He’s home burn stuff every single day.

15:00
is burning burning burning burning now it’s been ice cold windows are open but you can still smell it through the air condition is a little bit Fence Company comes early this week back on Tuesday after Martin Luther King Day huzzah the fence is being built don’t build a fence fuck it man build a wall I wouldn’t have cared if they went 1012 feet would have made a damn bit of difference to me they put the fence up except for two sections they’re having an issue because it was a wires in the ground apparently some conduit for his generator that was illegally installed my view himself too close to the fence line by the way it’s it’s got to be five feet and it’s not so that might need to move at some point that’s that’s a whole nother thing and they don’t do two sections offense right we got two empty sections offense because it was a long day. It was freezing cold that day. And the fence crew listen hats off to them. I don’t remember the name of the Fence Company but but they work their asses off they were in shit conditions they got this guy burning a chimney literally were they

16:00
need to put a fence up so they have like a half a foot room between the fence line and where they were building and where the chimney it was because he’s that much of a deck that he’s burning fire next door people working in the guise of warm your hands warm your hands, which is really him just trying to burn crap in our direction because he’s a douche bag they get the whole rest of the fence done. They come back the next morning and they put up the final two sections of fence. Now I’m I’m up in my office. I’m not looking out the window with them. I hear them. I’m like, whatever, let them do their thing. And Grandpa talks to me. And he goes, you see the fence. See what it says. I was like, What the fuck you me what it says it’s a fence because now there’s graffiti on it. So I go up into my office where I have a vantage point I can look down at it. And it says ghetto monkey,

16:47
mind you there’s no Ian monkey. And the way it’s spelled here.

16:51
Maybe as an attempt to pretend it wasn’t him that did it. Or maybe he’s just that fucking stupid. I’m going to lean towards the latter.

17:00
It will rage filled can’t spell drunken idiot. So he forces them to put up defense. Apparently, the fences there. It’s kind of slanderous kind of borderline hate speech like what the fuck is wrong with you? I’m certainly not going to tolerate that it’s not my job to tolerate you been that much of an aggressive ass ultimate so fuck you guy so I called the police said listen we’re like I said earlier we’re grown now so much as I want to break somebody Joe would grown so you act like grown people do you don’t go ringing doorbells you don’t go be a hothead asshole you do it the right way you pick up a phone you let the police sorted out and that’s what I chose to do they went over to him he gave them tons of attitude from what it sounded like and the cops basically said to me that we wrote up a report they then report it to code enforcement sucks for him because he’s got that Kemeny a burning against the fence line he’s got a god knows what else they’re going to find you know that he may or may not have done legally that they’re going to ask for permits for but you know like you opened up the door man you opened up the door and I’m just kicking out my

18:00
Fuck it down that’s all there is to it. Nothing personal. Just don’t start shit you know you should have just map minding your own fucking business taking the fact that your pets are not my responsibility and move the fuck on what your life because you want to be petty you ended up eating a bag of dicks so eat that bag and eat it slowly so the police fill out the report and they tell me basically told me which was kind of sad and funny at the same time they’re like dude I’ve never seen this before I don’t even know what to tell you this guy’s nuts like that was their reaction reaction was that it’s a you know they asked they asked me multiple times does he drink and I was like well yeah no I get figures like that’s what it seems like they were just totally amazed that somebody was just ridiculous and because this chain link fence is still up my fence never went down by the way it’s still there so there’s no paint on my fence like to blame me for the vandalism is an impossibility because is no paint on the chain like it’s just perfectly

19:00
On your fence the other day, I saw a code enforcement car in front of the house. But there was nobody home at the time. So I’m guessing they came and left a note or whatever they did not my problem, I’ll let the town do their own thing. It’s none of my business. You know, he’s created this chain of events. And the police did what they had to do legally, and the town will do what they have to do. And that’s not my problem. I just don’t fucking care. You know, you make your bed Be a man lay in it. So then we get to today, it’s another vehicle outside and I see this vehicle there and I’m wondering what the hell’s going on is another guy but no, no code enforcement and he’s walking by my property. So I go outside I go, Hey, man, what’s up? Can I help you and it’s from the fence companies a salesman from the Fence Company and he’s here to look at what’s going on and to see if there’s anything I know because apparently from what he told me is the owners called him and said that the fence was put up with vandal evangelization on it because we posted it on Facebook. So you know, that that night I posted on Facebook and my wife did as well and but the whole neighborhood base goes like, holy shit, that’s fucking crazy. You know who your neighbors so when people found out it was people in high school, they’re like, Oh, wow.

20:00
Yo, fuckin huge, huge red X Aereo big warning sign, man, like, keep away from that fucking crazy train. That’s just something nobody wants to deal with when you know, like God. Can you imagine? Like, I wouldn’t leave my kids with somebody that that’s the way they act to their neighbors. I wouldn’t trust them. I wouldn’t take my children would be safe around somebody that nuts, but that’s for the neighborhood to the side. People have to make their own decisions and what they do now I’m simply just telling my story. And that’s it. You don’t like my story that doesn’t really matter. You could think I’m an asshole. You can think I’m Petty dick. It’s cool. Bottom line, you can’t do these things and things that you’re just going to walk through life and do whatever the fuck you want to people, and nobody’s going to push back every once in a while. You come across somebody who’s going to press back 50 times harder and I’m sucks for them. And they did it to me. The fence guy tells me the whole tale of the neighbors called and complained and said, You got to come look at this, you put up a vandalize fence, I let them know. Hey, listen, man. I spoke to your workers. Because I did. I went up to them before I warned them before.

21:00
Call the police the other day. I said, Hey, guys, listen, take that fence down now, or I’m not good. And I won’t call the cops. But he can’t have that face to my house. You have to have a good side of the fence facing the neighbors. That’s the law. Graffiti is not the good side, no matter what way you slice it. So you turn that fence to fuck around, or I’m calling the police. They said, talk to the owner. I said, I am not. It’s not my job I give you knew this was going up and you know, the fucking consequences. I told the guy that I said, I spoke to your guy in the truck. And he said, talk to the owner. Since it’s not my responsibility to do that. I instead called the police. He’s like, Oh, you made a police report. I was like, Yes, I did. And he goes, he goes, I didn’t realize that and he calls his worker up. And now keep in mind, the salesman said he’s been with the company for 18 years. And the worker that was the foreman for the job that was done that day has been with the company for 22 years, 22 years. So he has the owners trust if he’s worked at that long, he’s not just because he was a Latino man doesn’t make them as a fence day laborer.

22:00
At a Home Depot he was a nice guy when I spoke to him that was in a bad place he didn’t know what to do when he got confronted by me it was unexpected he didn’t know if anybody was home I guess and he certainly didn’t expect me loud and aggressive to come running up like what the fuck man you know I backed them down and it wasn’t you know maybe I was a little too aggressive and a bit of a jerk off there but you know when you see get a monkey on offense face in your house we have every right to be a little a little mad to say the least. So Michael the guy from the Fence Company The salesman’s you know tells me about how long they’ve been there he’s like let me call him right now and speaker phone with you and he does and the guy says outright outright

22:37
the customer painted the fence it came from their factory where they build the fences it went directly into the box truck for delivery It was never left outside except for in a neighbor’s backyard those last two pieces so the fence guy said outright the first day the fence didn’t have graffiti on it and the second day did and a neighbor

23:00
demanded to be put up the way it was put up so You’re busted fuck face I mean really, really really so you tried to get your wife to go live for you because you didn’t tell her the full story and the poor girl now she becomes the bad guy even though listen we had a falling out there regardless but my god to use your woman as a human shield doesn’t say a whole lot about you as a mother fucking man so he does he uses her to kind of get himself out of it and try to have oh well you know well I made him do it but we’re not going to get into a customer battle right unfortunately I was just hanging out and I was having a cup of coffee and so somebody on my property so I had to uh. You know I do address it as necessary because you’re on my property walking on my path so looking through my fence so at to see what you’re up to. And it turns out you’re up to more bullshit so I don’t know what it’s going to come of it. We still have a painted fence there at the end of the day. I could power wash it but the reality is it’s not my problem. Will I be

24:00
for spring, absolutely, if it’s still there by spring, which I know it won’t be. But if for some crazy random course of actions that we still they’re not only with the media be there, you know, we’ll get every single organization on the planet that will cameras in front of that house before that would happen so hopefully for their sake they rectify this and take care of the situation and if you guys are listening to this good you need to understand how fucked up and how wrong the way you acted is saying Shame on you is not enough because that’s just that’s giving you a pass in new better and you still acted stupid you still active vindictive and petty for grown ass people It’s incredible to me that this was the way you reacted to us simply remember it all comes down folks to the original point of please don’t trespass

24:55
so you didn’t trespass anymore we’re having yet but instead you’re burning

25:00
Fires who graffiti fences and pointing them at our house and burning more fires incessantly. That’s your reaction to somebody asking you not to trespass. Think about that for a minute. So if you guys are listening, just think, Oh my God,

25:17
we didn’t need this. I didn’t want this. All I wanted was people not to be in the backyard, and I’d scaring my fucking father in law. That’s all he doesn’t need to be sitting there watching Wheel of Fortune at night, and seeing some motherfucker with a flashlight in his backyard. He’s got every right to not have to see that I have every right to not look out my window and see people jumping fences because it’s it’s our property. This is our family, not yours. Stand your side of the mother fucking fence. That’s it, people I got nothing else. You know, the end of the day. This is going to be an ongoing saga. I’m sure there’s more. There’s so many more nuggets of information that we could talk about from this, but I just looked at how long I’ve been talking and it’s been almost 30 minutes and

25:58
I’ve never done a podcast¬†30 minutes long. So I don’t want I want it to always be under that. I don’t want it to be something where you come on and go, Oh my God, he’s going to tell us three hours story. Now. We’re done here today, guys. So at the end of the day, we got a fence still painting on it. The Fence Company, that guy seemed pretty All right. And I’ve got I got their card. So I’ll mention them next time for a solid if anything’s been done about it, because at the end of the day, other than the mistake of putting it up anyway, they should have called the ownership and not done it. That was a small error of judgment, but we’ll see what they do. I got a feeling of all the people that do right in the situation. It’s going to be them just by the vibe I got from the fellow that I was talking to today. So if they do it, right, I’m gonna make sure everybody knows as well it should be because when people do good things that are positive in this world, they deserve all the accolades and when you’re a negative, just empty space pile of fucking trash. All I gotta say man is suck it straight up, man. just suck it. So that’s all I’m going to end this as always. I

27:00
Happy know you can come check me out online. And I am a Lichtman Li gh t ma n on Twitter and Instagram. Or you can go on Facebook and on hinge with Steve Lichtman and you can see the podcast you can see the blog post couple about this story as well or up there you can see the memes and other retarded stuff that I post from time to time. I’m absolutely not politically correct and that’s never going to change. So once again, we’ll sign off as my good buddy Ryan says, Hey man loves lizards. Baby love and lizards.

What does it mean to be a bad neighbor? Well have I got a tale for you! This week has been interesting, and Ghetto Monky was born from a neighbors hate. Positivity will always rule the day. Kick back, relax, and enjoy another tale of the stupid around us.

Transcription of ‘Ghetto Monky – An Idiots Tale’ by Otter.ai

0:00
Hey everybody and welcome to unhinge with me Steve Lichtman today’s episode man. Oh man, for anybody that knows me, you’re gonna be laughing your ass over the time. This one’s done this one we’re going to call quite simply ghetto monkey in idiots towel. Why? Why get a monkey? What is ghetto monkey? Well, I’m going to post it on the website and on hinge pod calm, you’ll be able to see the image of exactly what inspired or transpired in this insane situation that I’m currently having with my next door neighbors. Now, to make a long story short, which we will and will not do. This will probably end up in more than one part by the time we’re done, but that’s all right. But to make a long story, short neighbor, battle,

0:52
trespassing, asking people to get the fuck out of my backyard and the responses Why are you calling me a question?

1:00
at all, well, trespassing is a crime. So if the shoe fits, I guess you’re gonna have to wear it. It’s just kind of the way things are. That’s how our laws were created. If you trespass, you, in fact, are a criminal, especially when I had to put a sign up on my gate. So let’s go back a little bit, but we’ll get to this. All right, this is it’s going to get good. So let’s, uh, man

1:28
I it’s one of those things where you, you want to record it. But you know that your mind is still in a million places. And no matter how many notes you have, you are never going to be focused. So you may as well just hit that spacebar and let the machine record your voice and let it go where it goes. So so let’s go all the way back to the beginning. My neighbors for the past three and a half years are

1:52
they’re nice to me. Listen, that in the beginning, they were nice. They weren’t they weren’t bad people. I mean, I should have known the first day that was something kind of a little bit wrong when I actually

2:00
shook the dads hand and he goes, Oh, don’t shake my hand too hard, I guess got into a fight with my neighbor, which turned out to not necessarily be as true as he made it sound.

2:11
But at the end of the day, that was the first experience while moving in his Oh, don’t shake my hand like a man because I’ve heard my hand fighting children should have known and to move the fuck out right? I mean, I should have been a warning sign crystal clear as day just go. Don’t sign the contract go but it was too late. We already didn’t. We were moving it.

2:34
So we have a whole list of incidents. That was just the first day that was literally day one.

2:41
Fast forward three and a half years you’ve got a lot of isolated incidents of absolute on neighborliness in human stupidity. Things like bolting things to your roof and rent rivets falling all over your neighbors. We could be our property and driveway which we could have been drove over and never cleaning up. I mean guy never cleans up

3:00
himself total fucking slob. I mean, you know, every project he does, he leaves, like some kind of trail behind. Always. cigarette butts. that’s a that’s a standard. This guy leaves more cigarette butts in your property, then it’s humanly possible. I didn’t realize people still smoke this much. I know a couple of my friends that are listening do and you should all quit. You dirty little bastards. Quit today. Do what I did. I threw my pack into a garbage can. And I said to myself, if it lands, I quit right now. And I never smoked another cigarette after that day. And that was in Gosh, 2005, 2004,

3:34
something like that. Maybe 2006. I don’t know what it was. Whatever it was, it was 1015 years ago. And and I never looked back so quit quit, man. That’s my PSA that they quit smoking mother fuckers. If you’re smoking today, and it’s 2019 and you actually are holding a cigarette up to your face and you got a wife and you got kids the fuck is wrong with you? Right? Just quit Ready go. Go suck a dick if you want to do that that bad. I mean it get popcorn lung or whatever that’s going to give you or even something.

4:00
Better going to fucking apple? Yeah have a carrot. I don’t know do something else because that ain’t gonna keep you around longer if you want to be on this rock forever if you want to pull off your skin and be a reptilian overlords at some point you got to treat that body right man and I’m not saying I’m Mr. Health not I’m certainly not I got far healthier friends they may you know that are you know Spartan warrior types of maniacs that are you know peak physical condition and and while I’m a serviceable grown man I’m certainly not that and I just don’t have the focus or motivation for that maybe one day I will maybe it’s coming I don’t know we’ll see anyways cigarette butts all over the driveway one time even I was privileged enough to have a cigarette butt thrown into our garbage can and it was smoldering smoldering guys like you looked in the garbage can. And a fire was about to happen against my garage. This is the kind of neighborliness that we’ve experienced over the years is also trespassed in our backyard.

5:00
Many many, many, many times as well as into my garage borrowing tools without asking. And when confronted, said when you were at home. Well, yeah, fuck face. That doesn’t mean go in my garage. So we’ve clearly had to put locks on everything because we have somebody that feels entitled to waltz into your world at their free will. That’s not acceptable. We don’t need people randomly jumping fences and walking into our backyard jumping fences. You asked. Hey, our fences cat. What do we 12 we skipping through yards and ringing and running and Dashing through people’s backyards, like in the 70s and 80s. Nope, we’re talking about a family that already lost the cat

5:46
because it got out the door and it sucks man Listen, me and my daughter we we spend more time and they did probably looking for that pat and I felt truly horrible for them. And they’ve since accused me of not being an animal lover because I made fun of it well, because

6:00
Quite honestly, they then adopted two more cats from a rescue agency which they leave out in their backyard to run around. Now we do live where both of our backyards are against a man made water kind of overrun spillway. I don’t know what you call it. It’s a it’s like a concrete Creek and it fills up when it rains and the water goes away so it doesn’t flood our properties. So I don’t know the technical term for it. But what it does do is it means that this foliage back there are lots of it lots of trees, Bush’s grass leaves whatever and a lot of animals a lot of animals that could potentially your cats could eat the poop they could get sick they could die I mean we there was a dog up the block that passed away from from just whatever it ate like the grass in the neighborhood because it must have been a sick raccoon or something that peed and then the neighbor’s dog died a couple houses away and it’s super super sad. They were such nice people you know, and they still are and you know that they lost their their dog that they truly loved. I mean, and we felt horrible. So either way

7:00
I’m apparently a really horrible animal person now. And I hate animals because that’s what I was told through Facebook Messenger before I was blocked their cats have been getting into our backyard. We have a chain link fence separating the two homes and my dogs have never been in their backyard. In three and a half years. My cats have never been in their backyard. In three and a half years their husband has been in my backyard going on every week leading up to this seemingly for the past month. And many, many times before. Never ringing a bell. Never asking never knocking on a door. Never texting numbers, calling nothing just entitlement. Oh, my pets in your backyard. I’m now going to trespass and go into your property. Now keep in mind this isn’t cold. I have asked multiple times. And so as my wife and we were met with silence, or what would you want us to do? Or even better. The wife had said to me and Facebook, she replied well

8:00
I would let you in my backyard. That’s not the point. Sweet Art. I don’t want to be in your backyard. Ever, ever, ever. So why the fuck do you think you could jump the fence and between the houses and coming to mind? So I said, There I go, you know, jumping over the fence. What the hell? You’re jumping over the fence of middle the night. That’s ridiculous. So she writes back to me and says, I wouldn’t have had to jump over the fence. If you didn’t lock your gate.

8:30
If I didn’t lock my gate. Can you guys imagine? Imagine if somebody told you they’re entitled to trespassing on your property by jumping the fence because you actually lock your gate as a sign of saying, Don’t fucking come back here. I mean, we do let our dogs out in the backyard. You know, I mean, they, you know, they could bite them. I wouldn’t want that to happen. I don’t want my dogs to be in that situation where they feel where they feel threatened and uncomfortable because I’m weirdos in the backyard with a flashlight in middle

9:00
Tonight you know if they’re outside to pee or something you know it will run around a they just did it they don’t need to be freaked out like that I’m more concerned about my dogs in the neighbors to be honest because I don’t want them involved with those people so as we keep going down this magical journey you’ve got neighbors that are trespassing and and that’s the type of thing where we wrote to them and my wife sent her letter the wives send letters back and forth to each other saying the end of the day we know we’re putting a no trespassing sign up and is the final warning we’ve asked you to stop coming in our backyard to which they replied Why don’t you go have these on a fence with us to keep our cats in our backyard so we can be responsible pet owners now they didn’t say it like that of course i mean you know they said that their story you know what they were trying to get our messaging wise of you know your fences so dilapidated and it’s an old listen my fence is an old chain link fence in ain’t the prettiest Scott vines going through it it’s perfectly legal my dog never been in their backyard grandpa’s dogs never been in their backyard.

10:00
You know, the running trend to things you know we keep our shit in our own private area and we don’t we don’t infringe upon other people’s property or yards because we’re respectful grown adults as we should be in our Yeah, well for me I’m in my 40s. Yeah, so they’re in their 50s or or more, I don’t really know they’ve got to be older just looking at them. But that’s neither here nor there. And it’s not about that. So whatever. don’t really care not here to bury people. I’m just here to tell a story. The burial happens on its own, ironically enough, because of human stupidity. So there we have it. So step one,

10:36
no trespassing. Yeah, we got that firmly established. I put a sign up I went and got a Master Lock. I was using some armor wire actually keep it close, but I thought maybe they try to push it open. So I put a Master Lock on it. Put a no trespassing sign up. I had to redo the garage door locks to make sure these assholes don’t come on my property again, or go into my garage since it can’t be trusted and you know, figured out

11:00
Right. Good enough. We told them no to the fence. He said, Listen, I paying half of your fence that doesn’t make any sense. The fence works, call it dilapidated. You can say how much it sucks to look at. I don’t care. It still works. Our animals aren’t in your backyard. And it’s on our retaining wall. So technically not my problem. The retaining walls is on our property line. So yeah, kick rocks, man. I guess they you know that the husband we could go to a whole nother story about him. Long story short, he’s the guy that at 10am at his own daughters. backyard barbecue birthday party was drinking at 10 in the morning on a Saturday and he looked pretty half in the bag by the time we got there, like a 10 after 10 last year. So yeah, that’s a historical thing is constantly seemingly with a glass of wine in his hand and listen, we could all kick back and have a drink. You just don’t have to be walking out your front door with it. Like a fucking loser. He is a hothead and he doesn’t think first clearly that was identified this week so we get to couple days of

12:00
him burning his chimney he drags his Germany from across his yard to put it on our fence line, which, by the way is illegal. I call code enforcement. You have to be 15 feet from a fencer structure for the safety of you know us as people regardless hate my guts all you want call me a fucking to my face. I could care less. But you’re not going to put my myself or my family at risk unless you think you’re fucking crazy. So he’s burning wood. He had a knockdown a shed, I guess for his he had some fence quotes come I saw the guys measuring the end of the day burns his would for a couple days. I asked nicely. I wrote to the wife one last time. I said, Hey, can you please stop you being passive aggressive, your husband’s been decades. She’s been like a fucking petulant child. You know, is this really the direction you want to go? We tried to be nice to be amicable about about this, you know, but not coming on to a property. But like your answer is to burn wood by our property line into our windows. It’s like what’s fucking wrong with you? Super. Not neighborly. After saying how neighborly you were. That’s for sure. She blocked me on Facebook.

13:00
Book not like I care. So I and I made sure that not only was I blocked for messenger, but then I went ahead and made sure her and her family can’t, you know, I block them back just for the sake of make them go away. Like you don’t want to play online, you don’t have a conversation, you certainly don’t need to see my photographs. So off the list. Fuck you. That’s my good friend Charlie says. And if you’re hearing this, that’s a shout out to you, brother. You know, you’re off the list. You got that circle, you open a circle of very rarely. I had my circle open wide last year because we were new to the school. And we needed to make friends because we needed our daughter to be around good people. And luckily, people like my buddy Charlie and a lot of other ones to I could go down the list and name them all. But he specifically was funny enough, the hardest human being I’ve ever had a friends with. And I just love each other. So it had to happen. He had no choice in this matter. He fought valiantly. He did, but my persistence is is unmatched by anyone. I’m relentless. And eventually we became friends. And I do he’s an awesome dude. Or anybody who’s

14:00
And knows him knows that already so we don’t need to have a love fest for you Charlie because you’re probably hearing this right now going oh god the fuck you doing man? Why are you talking about me but you have nothing to do with the story other than the fact that the circle must close so the neighbors you’re out you’re out of the circle or it’s Chris Jericho says on pro wrestling telecast across the world you just made the last so the list of shit now fuck them right we’re done burning shit make my house smell fucking scumbags really total lowlifes it started to show to me how petty and really just have dick ish and not neighborly these people truly where now the wise to work all day ironically and he’s home on employed at the time. So he’s sitting around with his thumb up his ass waiting to get another job waiting to get the next job I guess because he’s a union guy. So this times of unemployment that’s part of the part of the gig I’ve never seen somebody this unemployed over the over the years but hey, that’s that’s not my problem. That’s his wife’s problem. He’s home burn stuff every single day.

15:00
is burning burning burning burning now it’s been ice cold windows are open but you can still smell it through the air condition is a little bit Fence Company comes early this week back on Tuesday after Martin Luther King Day huzzah the fence is being built don’t build a fence fuck it man build a wall I wouldn’t have cared if they went 1012 feet would have made a damn bit of difference to me they put the fence up except for two sections they’re having an issue because it was a wires in the ground apparently some conduit for his generator that was illegally installed my view himself too close to the fence line by the way it’s it’s got to be five feet and it’s not so that might need to move at some point that’s that’s a whole nother thing and they don’t do two sections offense right we got two empty sections offense because it was a long day. It was freezing cold that day. And the fence crew listen hats off to them. I don’t remember the name of the Fence Company but but they work their asses off they were in shit conditions they got this guy burning a chimney literally were they

16:00
need to put a fence up so they have like a half a foot room between the fence line and where they were building and where the chimney it was because he’s that much of a deck that he’s burning fire next door people working in the guise of warm your hands warm your hands, which is really him just trying to burn crap in our direction because he’s a douche bag they get the whole rest of the fence done. They come back the next morning and they put up the final two sections of fence. Now I’m I’m up in my office. I’m not looking out the window with them. I hear them. I’m like, whatever, let them do their thing. And Grandpa talks to me. And he goes, you see the fence. See what it says. I was like, What the fuck you me what it says it’s a fence because now there’s graffiti on it. So I go up into my office where I have a vantage point I can look down at it. And it says ghetto monkey,

16:47
mind you there’s no Ian monkey. And the way it’s spelled here.

16:51
Maybe as an attempt to pretend it wasn’t him that did it. Or maybe he’s just that fucking stupid. I’m going to lean towards the latter.

17:00
It will rage filled can’t spell drunken idiot. So he forces them to put up defense. Apparently, the fences there. It’s kind of slanderous kind of borderline hate speech like what the fuck is wrong with you? I’m certainly not going to tolerate that it’s not my job to tolerate you been that much of an aggressive ass ultimate so fuck you guy so I called the police said listen we’re like I said earlier we’re grown now so much as I want to break somebody Joe would grown so you act like grown people do you don’t go ringing doorbells you don’t go be a hothead asshole you do it the right way you pick up a phone you let the police sorted out and that’s what I chose to do they went over to him he gave them tons of attitude from what it sounded like and the cops basically said to me that we wrote up a report they then report it to code enforcement sucks for him because he’s got that Kemeny a burning against the fence line he’s got a god knows what else they’re going to find you know that he may or may not have done legally that they’re going to ask for permits for but you know like you opened up the door man you opened up the door and I’m just kicking out my

18:00
Fuck it down that’s all there is to it. Nothing personal. Just don’t start shit you know you should have just map minding your own fucking business taking the fact that your pets are not my responsibility and move the fuck on what your life because you want to be petty you ended up eating a bag of dicks so eat that bag and eat it slowly so the police fill out the report and they tell me basically told me which was kind of sad and funny at the same time they’re like dude I’ve never seen this before I don’t even know what to tell you this guy’s nuts like that was their reaction reaction was that it’s a you know they asked they asked me multiple times does he drink and I was like well yeah no I get figures like that’s what it seems like they were just totally amazed that somebody was just ridiculous and because this chain link fence is still up my fence never went down by the way it’s still there so there’s no paint on my fence like to blame me for the vandalism is an impossibility because is no paint on the chain like it’s just perfectly

19:00
On your fence the other day, I saw a code enforcement car in front of the house. But there was nobody home at the time. So I’m guessing they came and left a note or whatever they did not my problem, I’ll let the town do their own thing. It’s none of my business. You know, he’s created this chain of events. And the police did what they had to do legally, and the town will do what they have to do. And that’s not my problem. I just don’t fucking care. You know, you make your bed Be a man lay in it. So then we get to today, it’s another vehicle outside and I see this vehicle there and I’m wondering what the hell’s going on is another guy but no, no code enforcement and he’s walking by my property. So I go outside I go, Hey, man, what’s up? Can I help you and it’s from the fence companies a salesman from the Fence Company and he’s here to look at what’s going on and to see if there’s anything I know because apparently from what he told me is the owners called him and said that the fence was put up with vandal evangelization on it because we posted it on Facebook. So you know, that that night I posted on Facebook and my wife did as well and but the whole neighborhood base goes like, holy shit, that’s fucking crazy. You know who your neighbors so when people found out it was people in high school, they’re like, Oh, wow.

20:00
Yo, fuckin huge, huge red X Aereo big warning sign, man, like, keep away from that fucking crazy train. That’s just something nobody wants to deal with when you know, like God. Can you imagine? Like, I wouldn’t leave my kids with somebody that that’s the way they act to their neighbors. I wouldn’t trust them. I wouldn’t take my children would be safe around somebody that nuts, but that’s for the neighborhood to the side. People have to make their own decisions and what they do now I’m simply just telling my story. And that’s it. You don’t like my story that doesn’t really matter. You could think I’m an asshole. You can think I’m Petty dick. It’s cool. Bottom line, you can’t do these things and things that you’re just going to walk through life and do whatever the fuck you want to people, and nobody’s going to push back every once in a while. You come across somebody who’s going to press back 50 times harder and I’m sucks for them. And they did it to me. The fence guy tells me the whole tale of the neighbors called and complained and said, You got to come look at this, you put up a vandalize fence, I let them know. Hey, listen, man. I spoke to your workers. Because I did. I went up to them before I warned them before.

21:00
Call the police the other day. I said, Hey, guys, listen, take that fence down now, or I’m not good. And I won’t call the cops. But he can’t have that face to my house. You have to have a good side of the fence facing the neighbors. That’s the law. Graffiti is not the good side, no matter what way you slice it. So you turn that fence to fuck around, or I’m calling the police. They said, talk to the owner. I said, I am not. It’s not my job I give you knew this was going up and you know, the fucking consequences. I told the guy that I said, I spoke to your guy in the truck. And he said, talk to the owner. Since it’s not my responsibility to do that. I instead called the police. He’s like, Oh, you made a police report. I was like, Yes, I did. And he goes, he goes, I didn’t realize that and he calls his worker up. And now keep in mind, the salesman said he’s been with the company for 18 years. And the worker that was the foreman for the job that was done that day has been with the company for 22 years, 22 years. So he has the owners trust if he’s worked at that long, he’s not just because he was a Latino man doesn’t make them as a fence day laborer.

22:00
At a Home Depot he was a nice guy when I spoke to him that was in a bad place he didn’t know what to do when he got confronted by me it was unexpected he didn’t know if anybody was home I guess and he certainly didn’t expect me loud and aggressive to come running up like what the fuck man you know I backed them down and it wasn’t you know maybe I was a little too aggressive and a bit of a jerk off there but you know when you see get a monkey on offense face in your house we have every right to be a little a little mad to say the least. So Michael the guy from the Fence Company The salesman’s you know tells me about how long they’ve been there he’s like let me call him right now and speaker phone with you and he does and the guy says outright outright

22:37
the customer painted the fence it came from their factory where they build the fences it went directly into the box truck for delivery It was never left outside except for in a neighbor’s backyard those last two pieces so the fence guy said outright the first day the fence didn’t have graffiti on it and the second day did and a neighbor

23:00
demanded to be put up the way it was put up so You’re busted fuck face I mean really, really really so you tried to get your wife to go live for you because you didn’t tell her the full story and the poor girl now she becomes the bad guy even though listen we had a falling out there regardless but my god to use your woman as a human shield doesn’t say a whole lot about you as a mother fucking man so he does he uses her to kind of get himself out of it and try to have oh well you know well I made him do it but we’re not going to get into a customer battle right unfortunately I was just hanging out and I was having a cup of coffee and so somebody on my property so I had to uh. You know I do address it as necessary because you’re on my property walking on my path so looking through my fence so at to see what you’re up to. And it turns out you’re up to more bullshit so I don’t know what it’s going to come of it. We still have a painted fence there at the end of the day. I could power wash it but the reality is it’s not my problem. Will I be

24:00
for spring, absolutely, if it’s still there by spring, which I know it won’t be. But if for some crazy random course of actions that we still they’re not only with the media be there, you know, we’ll get every single organization on the planet that will cameras in front of that house before that would happen so hopefully for their sake they rectify this and take care of the situation and if you guys are listening to this good you need to understand how fucked up and how wrong the way you acted is saying Shame on you is not enough because that’s just that’s giving you a pass in new better and you still acted stupid you still active vindictive and petty for grown ass people It’s incredible to me that this was the way you reacted to us simply remember it all comes down folks to the original point of please don’t trespass

24:55
so you didn’t trespass anymore we’re having yet but instead you’re burning

25:00
Fires who graffiti fences and pointing them at our house and burning more fires incessantly. That’s your reaction to somebody asking you not to trespass. Think about that for a minute. So if you guys are listening, just think, Oh my God,

25:17
we didn’t need this. I didn’t want this. All I wanted was people not to be in the backyard, and I’d scaring my fucking father in law. That’s all he doesn’t need to be sitting there watching Wheel of Fortune at night, and seeing some motherfucker with a flashlight in his backyard. He’s got every right to not have to see that I have every right to not look out my window and see people jumping fences because it’s it’s our property. This is our family, not yours. Stand your side of the mother fucking fence. That’s it, people I got nothing else. You know, the end of the day. This is going to be an ongoing saga. I’m sure there’s more. There’s so many more nuggets of information that we could talk about from this, but I just looked at how long I’ve been talking and it’s been almost 30 minutes and

25:58
I’ve never done a podcast¬†30 minutes long. So I don’t want I want it to always be under that. I don’t want it to be something where you come on and go, Oh my God, he’s going to tell us three hours story. Now. We’re done here today, guys. So at the end of the day, we got a fence still painting on it. The Fence Company, that guy seemed pretty All right. And I’ve got I got their card. So I’ll mention them next time for a solid if anything’s been done about it, because at the end of the day, other than the mistake of putting it up anyway, they should have called the ownership and not done it. That was a small error of judgment, but we’ll see what they do. I got a feeling of all the people that do right in the situation. It’s going to be them just by the vibe I got from the fellow that I was talking to today. So if they do it, right, I’m gonna make sure everybody knows as well it should be because when people do good things that are positive in this world, they deserve all the accolades and when you’re a negative, just empty space pile of fucking trash. All I gotta say man is suck it straight up, man. just suck it. So that’s all I’m going to end this as always. I

27:00
Happy know you can come check me out online. And I am a Lichtman Li gh t ma n on Twitter and Instagram. Or you can go on Facebook and on hinge with Steve Lichtman and you can see the podcast you can see the blog post couple about this story as well or up there you can see the memes and other retarded stuff that I post from time to time. I’m absolutely not politically correct and that’s never going to change. So once again, we’ll sign off as my good buddy Ryan says, Hey man loves lizards. Baby love and lizards.

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